Geek Apologetics Part 1: What is a Beer Geek?

beer    /bi(ə)r/

1.  An alcoholic drink made from yeast-fermented malt flavored with hops.

geek    /gēk/

1.  An unfashionable or socially inept person

2.  A person with an eccentric devotion to a particular interest.

According to several of my friends and family, I am a “beer geek”. At some point in the last ten years I crossed the line that separates beer enthusiast and beer geek. I’m not sure of what actually pushed me over the edge. Maybe I spent too much time in close proximity to other beer geeks. Maybe Arthur Guinness and Jim Koch brainwashed me. Perhaps I was already a geek and this was just one other way for geekiness to raise it’s brilliant head. Whatever the reason, I’m sure they are right, but just what is a beer geek?

Many people drink and appreciate beer. Most even have a favorite pint or pilsner glass. A beer enthusiast might appreciate ales and lagers, be able to talk intelligently about beer styles and the histories of the regions where barley and hops are grown, but still not be considered a geek (though he or she may be getting close). The majority of people who enjoy beer do not own and incessantly discuss pieces of their homebrewing equipment, such as carboys, lauter tuns, and wort chillers. It might be the amplified interest in things surrounding beer that makes one a beer geek. Owning and discussing beer gear is a very clear sign that you are on the road to geekdom. 

Wort chiller in action.

My personal favorite piece of brewing equipment is a wort chiller. I was talking with my brother (who is a very skilled plumber) a few years ago about how to quickly cool off the wort (unfermented beer). The faster the wort is cooled, the more proteins settle out of the solution (this is called a “cold break”) and the clearer your beer will be. Quick cooling also allows less time for bacteria to infect your brew and compete with your yeast, ensuring better beer. I told him that there were coiled tubes that could sit in the beer with cold water running through them that would do the trick. “A heat exchanger,” he said, nodding, “I could make that.” And sure enough he did. For my birthday that year, he built a copper coil that screws onto the sink faucet and allows me to run cold water through the system and back into my sink, cooling off 2.5 gallons of wort from boiling to about 70 degrees in less than 10 minutes. It is the coolest piece of brewing equipment I own (pun intended). It’s awesome because it performs a small esoteric job in the brewing process (you can do the same thing by plunking your bucket of hot wort in a snowbank or in a tub of cold water), it is kind of steampunk in its design, and it was handmade for this purpose. 

You see? Beer geek.

I generally wear the title with pride, having been labeled a geek ever since I can remember. There are many things that can earn a person the title of geek. An enthusiastic appreciator of science fiction and/or fantasy movies and books is likely to be a geek (though Star Wars geeks and Star Trek geeks are vastly different species. I am the former). Anyone who likes science and math enough to talk about things like carbon nano-tubule space elevators at parties, or celebrates Pi or mole day (March 14th or October 23rd respectively) is probably a geek. Most states require geek certification to become math and science teachers. If you're in this profession, you are definitely a geek.

Beer geeks generally make their own beer, analyze and discuss beer styles, equipment, brewing processes, the cutting edge of beer brewing (as if it hadn’t been perfected already by monks several hundred years ago), and drink lots of beer. They also have an obnoxious need to tie beer concepts into everything philosophical, spiritual, and political in their discussions with others and generally believe that if people drank more good beer, the world would be a better place. 

Stay tuned for Geek Apologetics: Part 2 - Why geeks live longer than everyone else.